Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter
by AllApologies451994
Summary: Sequel to Why You Should Not Trust Emmett As a Babysitter. Pretty much the same plot, only this time Jasper is babysitting our beloved Nessie. Please enjoy :D
1. Chapter I

**Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter  
Chapter I  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters. You know the drill....**

**A/N: Well, here you have it! Chapter I of Why You Should Not Trust JASPER As a Babysitter. With all that positive feedback for Why You Should Not Trust Emmett As a Babysitter, I just HAD to write a sequel. So, here you go! Hope you enjoy!**

Jasper huffed and sat down on the couch. The rest of the Cullen family left, as per Emmett's request, and he was sitting all alone on the couch. Renesmee was sitting somewhere in the house. Jasper didn't know where, though. All he knew was that she was sitting in the house somewhere.

Then, all of a sudden, a blast of the emotion "mischievous" hit him like a brick. It came all so sudden that the impact sort of took the breath he didn't even need away from him. He turned around to see who caused this. There, right in the middle of the hallway (I'm assuming there's a hallway there), stood Renesmee with a smirk on her face. Jasper didn't like that look.

"Hey Jazzy, you miiiiiiiiiiiiiiight wanna check your room...."

"Nessie, sweetie, tell your uncle Jazzy what you did...."

"Nah... I think I'll just leave it a surprise."

Jasper ran through the house as fast as he could until he finally reached his room. What he saw was just... horrible....

All his posters were ripped to shreds and lying on the floor. His CDs were not in their proper cases, and some of them were broke. The little couch that was in there was ripped in half; one half was one the far left side of the room, the other half was on the far right side of the room. There was also a big hole in the wall. If you looked closely, it seemed someone was peeping in....

"...Um... who are you and why are you eyeballing my room like that?"

"O, um... hi. I'm Bert. I'm that hobo that lives out in the woods behind your house. I heard a racket going on in here and I decided to look at what was going on."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Then why are you holding an old poster of mine with Gerard Way on it?"

"Um, well, because, um... because I think he's hot."

"..."

"What?"

"Um... you can have it...."

"Really!?"

"Sure....."

And with that, Bert ran off.

Jasper tried to shake the thought out of his head of that hobo calling his poster hot, and went back into the living room to watch Top 40 Songs of the 90s. [I thought it was 40... if I'm wrong, please correct me on this. All I remember about it is it's about the 90s and Teen Spirit was number 1.]

But, what he found was not what he expected to find. Renesmee was dancing in the middle of the room with an orange crayon in one hand siging along to "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" by My Chemical Romance while watching the video on Jasper's laptop.

Jasper had to surpress his laughter and send calming waves towards her. But, to his surprise, they did not seem to be working well. She was still dancing and carrying on. So, trying to make her stop, he made his presence known by bursting out into laughter. Of course, this didn't work, either. She was too lost in the music.

She danced for a good while and then finally walked into the kitchen to get some grub. But, of course, since this is a family of VAMPIRES, after all, they didn't HAVE a lot of food, so all she could find was some Skittles and some Mountain Dew. O, the fun she could have....

**A/N: Yay! Cliffhanger! I know how much you guys LOVE them, so I just put one in there. You know, to get you wondering what she'll do after all those Skittles and Mountain Dew. And please, forgive me for the short chapter. I've been busy trying to update a few of my other stories. ...Ahem. ANYWAYS.... I hope you've enjoyed the story. Please leave me lots of wonderful reviews to show me that you love me. :D O yea, Umbrella Academy fans... I've written a Twilight/Umbrella Academy crossover titled The Heroes of Forks, Washington. If you have the time, please read it and leave me a review. Well, I guess that's all. I hope you've enjoyed, and please review. You know you want to.**


	2. Chapter II

**Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter  
Chapter II  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**[PS: This is a specific note for SGP. I couldn't find any Camp Rock songs, and I have never listened to one before because that's not really my style. I CAN replace it with a High School Musical song, though, because my sister already has a few on the computer, but I'll wait until the next chapter for your approval. I hope you understand, and PLEASE don't send me pics of the Jonas Brothers. Please. I will beg. ...For all of you OTHER people who was nosy and read this, check my reviews to understand what this challenge was.]**

Day 2. Jasper was sitting on the couch, trying to shake the thoughts of what Bert may do to his poster out of his head. Nessie was sitting somewhere in the kitchen trying to play with some toy Edward had given her whenever they got back from their hunting trip. If you listened closely, you could hear her muttering something....

"Stupid... block!! Get... in... that... hole!! RAWR!!!"

"Um, Nessie, sweetheart... The triangle goes in the TRIANGLE shaped hole. Not the star shaped one."

"I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!!!"

With that, she stormed off. Jasper sighed and followed her. He didn't want a repeat of what happened before. And Lord KNOWS he don't want Bert to come back... He shuddered, and followed her into his room. What he saw was something unsuitable for people under the ages of 10, because they think this stuff is gross.... Well, also for everyone who is disgusted by this kind of thing....

On his broken half-of-a-couch, was Bert, making out with that poster of Gee. It was so wrong.... (By the way, before you guys kill me, I AM NOT MAKING A REFERENCE TO BERT McCRACKEN!!!!! BERT IS JUST A HOBO NAME!!! Well, it sounds like one to me. Plus, I'm a fan of Frerard, myself.... Woops, that wasn't supposed to come out O.o)

Jasper covered poor Nessie's eyes and took her out of the room. She ran to the living room and flipped it on some random game show. I think it was The Price Is Right. So she made her guesses while Jasper had a discussion with Bert.

I feel like I need to tell you what all was exchanged between the two, because I am the author, but I also feel that I _shouldn't_, because I'm a very _young_ author. So I believe that I'll leave all of that out. If you want to know what happened, go ask one of them. What's that? They don't exist? Not my problem.

So, Jasper just walked back into the room where Nessie was to discover her drawing all over the walls with that orange crayon from the last chapter. They actually weren't all that bad. ...Well, it was a dinosaur chasing a bunch of villagers out of a town, which was on fire. Nice artwork, but horribe concept to choose to draw for a kid that was probably only a week old. Everyone lost count of how old she was.

He took the crayon from her and put it in a crayon box. Renesmee looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"You. Just. Took. Away. My. CRAYON!!!!"

Jasper ran for his dear vampire laugh, but Nessie caught up with him and tackled him to the floor. She began to fight with him, until out of nowhere... O no, please tell me it's not what I think it is... DEAR LORD, HAVE SOME MERCY!!!!

Remember that Mountain Dew she had along with those Skittles last chapter? Well, they kicked in, and she was hyperer than a monkey. I'm not even sure hyperer is a word. She was just that excited for some odd reason.

She was (quite literally) bouncing off the walls and "poofing" into random places... She was so fast that she showed up random places without you seeing her, and it was as though she "poofed" there. ...Heh heh, poof is a funny word. ...Okay, I'm getting distracted. Onto the story.

Renesmee grabbed her crayon box that Jasper put her orange crayon in and pulled out a few crayons. She threw them at him, and boy, did she throw them HARD. One put a dent in his arm! Now you KNOW that's sad. Considering she was only a baby.

Jasper ran into her room, thinking that she wouldn't want to destroy some of her own things just to hurt him. Boy, was he wrong. I'm not going to go into specifics, but at the end of everything, Renesmee's room was COMPLETELY trashed, and Jasper had a few dents in him and lost some of his sparkly vampire glitter. How did this happen? Don't ask me, 'cause I'm not even sure. It's one of the unknown mysteries of life... Right along with who discovered milk. I mean, what did he THINK he was doing at the time? ...Ahem. Getting off subject again. Sorry 'bout that.

Well, finally her sugar rush wore off, and she fell asleep on the couch. Jasper finally figured he could get some peace and quiet around here. But, as usual, he was BAD wrong. How, you ask? Wait until next chapter to find out!

**A/N: Well, there you have it. AND THANK YOU TO ALL MY LOVELY REVIEWERS!!!! YOU MADE ME FEEL ALL WARM AND FLUFFY INSIDE!!!! I guess you love me after all! But I still don't have any entries for my competition... Please enter it, so I don't win by default. Now, show me some love by reviewing and giving me wonderful feedback!**


	3. Chapter III

**Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter  
Chapter III  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, any of it's characters, bla bla bla RAWR!**

Jasper was so exhausted that it wasn't even funny. Who knew Emmett would ever be right about something? Ever?

So, here's what's going on in the Cullen residence. Jasper was sitting on the couch pretty much pulling his hair out from agitation, Nessie was in her room screeching the lyrics to Home by three Days Grace, and Bert, who had just recently moved in, was in his room, comtemplating the meaning of life.

So, as you can see, it was just a normal day.

Jasper ran into Nessie's room for three reasons. One, to get her to give him his iPod back. Two, to calm her down and get her to sleep. Three, to give her some earplugs so she won'th ave to put up with Bert. After he accomplished all three tasks, he took Bert a biscuit and went back to his room to watch some TV.

Now, this is what Jasper wanted. But, as you all know, if Jasper got what he wanted, this wouldn't be much of a story, now would it?

Well, right when Jasper decided to get comfortable and make Nessie something to eat for when she wakes up, Bert decided to come and see what Jasper was doing. And boy, was he loud about it. It was hilarious to see what was going on. So, I'm ognna recap everything that happened.

Jasper put on his "Kiss the Cook" aprom and got a frying pan and some bacon. While waiting on it gto get done, he turned his iPod on shuffle and began singing along to the first song that played. So, of course, it starts out with a pansyish song. This is what Jasper was singing:

"O!  
I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet  
You thought an angel swept you off your feet  
Well, I'm about to turn up the heat  
I'm here For Your Entertainment!"

Well, Bert somehow knew that song, despite the fact that he was living in the woods when that song came out, and began singing it very loudly with Jasper.

Poor old Bert looked at Jasper really funny and then just started dying laughing.

"Dude! You're such a pansy! I can't believe you're singing Adam Lambert!"

"You were singing along with it too, foo!"

"Dude, I'm the baby, don't judge me. Besides, I'm an awesome hobo. I'm allowed."

"You take pride in that, don't you?"

"Yup."

All of a sudden, the fire alarm went off. Jasper turned around to see his bacon burnt to a crispy... crisp.

"Whoops."

**A/N: Welp, there you have it. Chapter III of WYSNTJAaB. I hope you've enjoyed it. Please leave me lots of awesomeness reviews to make me feel all warm and fluffy inside!! What are you doing still reading this!? I SAID REVIEW, DANGIT!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!**


	4. Chapter IV

**Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter  
Chapter IV  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: Bla bla bla bla Q. That means I own nothing.**

Renesmee woke up, and like most younguns when they wake up, she was hungry. She ran into the kitchen, stumbling because she was not well awaken yet, and bumping into the occasional wall. Just picture someone drunk trying to walk a straight line, and that's the perfect image for this.

But she walked in there and something was odd. Maybe it was the crispy burnt bacon. Maybe it was the smoke. Maybe it was the fact that Jasper and Bert were lying on the floor trying to kill each oither. She decided it was the smoke and materialized a fire extinguisher to extinguish the flames (where does this family materialize all this stuff from!?).

Renesmee looked down on the ground and looked at Bert and Jasper really funny. She may have or may not have gotten the wrong idea from this (two men lying on the floor, one on top of the other... not a pleasant sight....), but she broke them apart and gave them a lecture.

"...You could've killed each other! Have you guys no shame in yourselves!? But worst of all, you let my food burn all to crap! That's it. I've had it with you two. Jasper, no Green Day for a week. Go stand in the corner."

Bert snickered. She turned to glare at him and gave him his orders.

"Bert... Poor, hobo Bert.... You don't have anything left to lose except what sliver you have left of your dignity, so go stand outside in your underwear for a while. I hope you guys have learned your lesson."

And on that note, she stormed out of the room.

Jasper and Bert looked at each other really funny, and then started dying laughing.

"She's just a kid!! Not even a week old!!! She can't do this to us!"

"Wait... she's not even a week old!? What, am I living in a house full of vampires!?"

Jasper began to panic. He found out! So, he materialized a brick out of nowhere (think Emmett and GameInformers) and threw it at Bert to knock him out.

Bert got them little squiggly things in his eyes like in the anime and lied there, motionless for a long while. And then Nessie came back...

"WHY ARE YOU NOT IN THE CORNER AND WHY ARE YOU NOT OUTSIDE WEARING NOTHING BUT UNDERWEAR!?"

"Because he's unconscious and I don't like standing in corners. They make me feel all... in the corner and stuff."

"Well, well... BOO-CRAPPING-HOO!!! IN THE CORNER, NOW!!!"

He looked at her funny and she replied "DON'T EYEBALL ME, BOY!" just like the sergaents in the movies. And I think I mispelled that but I'm too lazy to spellcheck so ha ha. I'm the lazy author, and Bert and I will one day rule this world, spelling won't be necessary. But that's on a sidenote.

Anyways.

Jasper went to go stand in the corner, and Bert, who was still unconscious, was lying on the floor. Nessie threw him outside though because she didn't want to have to look at him. And then she went back to sleep.

And that's the end of this chapter.

**A/N: Dudes! I love you guys and all, that's why I keep writing chapters to this thing, but why do you not return the favor with wonderful reviews? It's because I'm white, isn't it? *sighs* Well, I guess you can't please everyone. And I was even going to tell you where Emmett gets his GameInformers and everything (thinking back to the prequel of this story, to all of you who haven't read WYSNTEAaB)..... But, o well. Maybe if I get at least 5 reviews I'll tell you where Emmett gets his magazines (which is also the same place Jasper got that brick).... So stop reading and review already! RAWRZ!**


	5. Chapter V

**Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter  
Chapter V  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to **_**twilightgal4life**_**, because she is always so eager to find out where Emmett's GameInformers came from and where Jasper got his brick to knock Bert out. So please enjoy the 5th chapter of my story, and shall all the answers be revealed! O yea, and on an important sidenote... This is not 'exactly' a part of the main story. Just a little side story, if you will. Next chapter will pick up where the last chapter left off.**

"Hey Nessie! I believe it's time for a story!"

"But why? Stories are sooooooo 5 minutes and 29 seconds ago..."

"OOO! OOO! I WANNA HEAR A STORY!!! I WANNA HEAR A STORY!!!!"

"Shut up, Bert!"

"No! Make me!"

"....Don't tempt me, boy."

"ON TO THE STORY!!"

"YAY!"

"BERT!"

"Ahem....

"A long time ago, in the faraway land of... um... crap. What's the name of it again? O well, the name isn't important anyway, it doesn't contribute to the story.

"Well, anyways. In the land of Whatchamajigger... Hey! I got the name! Finally! Anyways, it was a dark and stormy evening. It got so dark and stormy, that all the Whatchamajiggeronians...."

"Whatchamajiggeronians? Are you just making all this up as you go?" said an agitated Nessie.

"Um... no..."

"GET BACK TO THE STORY ALREADY!!!"

"Fine, fine...

"Okay, back to the beginnning before I was RUDELY interrupted.

"As i was saying, all the Whatchamajiggeronians had to leave Whatchamajigger in order to stay safe during the storm. Well, there was this one couple; a pregnant lady and her husband. Her husband was a really sickly man and the pregnant lady grew tired easily. So, they thought they were never going to make it to a safe place, for the safest place around was in the next town over.

"They tried their hardest to get to that other town, called something I can't currently remember the name of. But after so long, they both got way to tired and couldn't carry on. Which was very bad because the baby was due any minute.

"So, they decided the main reason for their lack of energy was having to carry so many items all at once, and to carry on they had to store them somewhere else."

"And... what happened after all this?"

"Well, dear Nessie, I will continue my story... as soon as I get something to eat!"

"But you're a vampire, you don't even eat at all!"

"I thought you didn't care about stories!"

"I lied to make myself sound cooler."

"I see. Well, I'll contine the story of where Emmett always gets his GameInformers...

"Well, here's what they were carrying with them: a ton of GameInformers, a brick, and some tissues. Don't ask.

"You guys wanna know what they did with all that?"

"YES!!" Bert and Nessie shouted in unison.

"Are you you wanna know?"

"YES!!!!"

"Well... nah, I don't think you're ready yet..."

"AHHHH!!!! THE SUSPENSE IS JUST TOO MUCH!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"

And on that note, Bert attacked Jasper. Bert kept punching and punching, but Jasper wasn't fazed in the slightest. He just chuckled some. This startled Bert, and he had a heart attack.

And Jasper decided not to finish the story.

**A/N: YAY! A chapter with an unfinished answer!! But hey, I'm the author; I just write down real events that actually truly really happend (but not really though, I just like to tease y'all... especially twilightgal4life... I may tell you one day, when I found out an answer myself XD). So, leave me all your reviews and show me that you care. Or the next chapter I'll write down a ton of crap you don't wanna listen to (Wanna know the fear of the pope, the millionth number of pi, or all the lyrics to American Idiot? I thought not). So review!**


	6. Chapter VI

**Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter  
Chapter VI  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing or no one except Bert. He is my own original character and if you steal him... He'll eat you :D**

"RAWR! THIS IS SO FREAKING CRAZY!"

As you can see by the opening line, Jasper was practically at his breaking point. Renesmee alone was a handful, but then you throw Bert in the mix... Well, it's not a good thing. At all.

Jasper was sitting on the couch, questioning his own sanity and talking to a vacuum cleaner. Yes, it's very sad, but whatever.

Renesmee, on the other hand, was rummaging through everything in the ktichen, trying to find a stash of chocolate that Edward and Bella had hid from her previously. She looked everywhere, and finally found it in a cabinet above the refrigerator.

"Heh, that was almost too easy" she said aloud to herself.

On the other _other _hand, Bert was sitting in his own room, contemplating the meaning of life, as per usual. But then he got really bored and decided he wanted to clean his room up a little bit. He looked all over for his vacuum cleaner, but couldn't find it anywhere....

He got really mad and ran into the living room, in search of his dearly beloved vacuum cleaner (which he had named Tyson, after Tyson Ritter from AAR.)

"JASPER!! WHERE THE FLIPPER DID YOU PUT TYSON!"

"Hang on a second Bob, I think this madman has you confused with someone else... Don't worry my precious, I'll be back to you in a second.

"I'm so sorry Bert, but this is MY vacuum cleaner, and his name is Bob. I bought him with my own money!"

"No, you didn't. That's MY vacuum cleaner, and his name is Tyson. I can prove it to you!"

So Bert walked over there to the vacuum cleaner and showed Jasper a nametag that said "TYSON" on it in big letters.

"...I did that myself. Flip the nametag over."

So he did. On the other side, it had Bob written on it.

"O, my bad, man. Sorry for taking all that anger out on you."

"'S no problem, bro. We still cool?"

"...Yea, we're still cool."

And with that, Bert left.

"Okay, now that we've gotten rid of the crazy man, my precious... how about we play some 20 Q?"

Meanwhile, in the kitchen...

"WOW! I can't believe they've been hiding this chocolate from me all my life! I mean, this stuff is the bomb diggity!"

And then Nessie ran into the living room, where Jasper was having a heated disussion with Bob/Tyson.

"Um... is it a marine animal? ...No? Um... is it smaller than a loaf of bread! ...YES! I GOT ONE! ...Is it a... duck? O YEA, SON! I BEAT YOU AGAIN!"

Nessie then ran over and smacked Jasper upside the face.

"...O, thanks Nessie. I needed that."

She then grinned evilly and smacked him again. Then he smacked her. Then she smacked him back. And then she ran off.

"Well, this can't be good."

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY, MY LOYAL VIEWERS! I've been very busy with schoolwork and all that, plus this internet is so crappy I couldn't even use it for about a week.... Heck, I had to have my friend check my email for me just so I could see what was going on. I got my Twilight on Windows Live! chapters posted, but I couldn't get this posted. So I apologize. Anyways, if you want to make me feel better, please leave me tons and tons of reviews and shower me in love. You'll be thanking yourself if you do, because when Bert and I rule the world, we won't make you work as hard.**

**(PS twilightgal4life... I couldn't find anywhere to fit the story behind Q in here, so I'll just tell you in a review reply or PM or something. And if anyone else wants to know, just tell me.)**


	7. Chapter VII

**Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter  
Chapter VII  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own character, Bert. If you steal him... I'll be forced to shave your cat. And if you don't have a cat... I'll buy you one, and THEN shave it. :D**

**A/N: This is going to be the last chapter of WYSNTJAaB. I know, it's only been 7 chapters, but these stories really don't take a long time to complete, plus I have to get through ALL the Cullens. And then Mike Newton, because he's a n00b. Well, onto the SUPER SPECIAL FINAL CHAPTER OF WHY YOU SHOULD NOT TRUST JASPER AS A BABYSITTER! RAWR!!!**

_Okay, as this is going to be the final chapter of this story, I think this should be one of the greatest. So, this chapter shall be incredibly random. This is a warning for everyone: IF YOU HATE RANDOMNESS, AWESOMENESS, HOBOS, AND/OR PEPSI, PLEASE DO NOT READ! And I don't even know what hating Pepsi has to do with this story, but I drink it like it's a drug... But it actually is though, technically.... Now I'm rambling. Onto the awesomeness!_

Renesmee was bouncing off the walls. That chocolate Emmett "accidentally" left out for her had done the trick. ...What, you thought Edward and Bella hid it there? Psh, they're not stupid; they're not going to hide it anywhere easy to find. You should've known this was all Emmett's plot. Shame on you if you didn't. But it was driving Jasper crazy.

Jasper was actually CRYING, for crying out loud. There were tears in his eyes. And I know that's sorta impossible, but let's just say it's possible for the sake of this fanfiction. He was crying and screaming and shouting in frustration. Finally, he began to crack.

"Mommy... please save me mommy... Bert is wild, Nessie is trying to destroy the house, my hair is all greasy, that vacuum cleaner is talking, and I can see my life flash before my eyes! ...I die in a surprisingly bad way.... Am I _supposed_ to be sucked into a vacuum cleaner that way?"

He turned around to look at Bob/Tyson and saw it (if it was possible) looking at him really funny. He whimpered some and backed into a corner. Then he began going over the lyrics to I Wanna by The All-American Rejects and kept messing them up. It was quite an interesting rewrite.

_"I wanna  
I wanna  
I wanna duck, too  
You want a duck, too  
You know when I go to the store  
They won't have anymore  
I wanna  
I wanna  
I wanna duck, too  
You wanna duck, too  
But every time one sees me  
It looks at me funny"_

"Hmm... I don't think that's right... Mommy, when do purple cows fly to the moon?"

"Well duh, Jasper. Purple cows only fly to the moon on the fifth Saturday of every month in June. Are you stupid?"

"Who are you? Are you my conscience?"

Nessie looked at him really funny, but decided to have some fun with this.

She sort of bounced over to him and smiled real big, and whispered in his ear.

"Hi. I am your conscience. My name is... Adrienne, and.... I'm gonna tell you what to do."

"Okay! What first?"

"Um... first, I want you too... stick your finger in your belly button."

So Jasper did.

"Now, I want you to take it out, and shove your finger up your nose."

"...EW!!! IT STINKS!!! ...Now what?"

"Stand up!"

So he did.

"Now, walk forward and up the stairs."

"Um, okay..."

"Open the door to your right!"

"Um... well... I don't really want..."

"SHUT UP AND DO IT, FOO!!!"

"Fine, fine..."

"Now, kiss Bert."

"Nessie! Cut it out, I know it's you!"

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I-"

"DOGS HAVE CLEANER TONGUES THAN HUMANS!!!"

They looked around and saw Bert just standing there. They turned around and looked at him funny.

"What? It's true, isn't it?"

"Well, yea, but..."

"You didn't need to be so random?"

"Well, I feel like being random."

"Well, can you please--"

"CUPCAKE!!"

Finally Nessie ran over there and slapped Bert upside the head. With a banana. That she materialized out of thin air. Now, I know what you must be thinking right now; _Where does this family get their things from? How do they materialize this stuff? _Well... That is a completely different story not related to this one, so maybe I'll tell you guys in another story entirely....

Well, Bert pulled out a banana also and they began a slapping fight with each other. This went on and on and on and on and on.... But then Jasper got bored of watching the banana fight and went into the living room to see what was on TV.

He got in there and saw someone sitting on his couch. Well, he didn't know who it was, so what was his first instinct? Materialize a fire extinguisher out of thin air and knock the guy out with it.

"O, FOO! THAT TEACHES YOU TO SNEAK INTO MY HOUSE!!!"

He walked over to the unconscious corpse, only to see that it was, as a matter of fact... Emmett? Dressed up as the Pope? What the heck was going on?

He slapped Emmett around with a banana until he finally woke back up, and then Emmett slapped him. And you know the drill from there....

"Well done, Jazz. I see you've handled the tyke, AND the hobo. You sort of went crazy there, but you did it, and I'm finally able to say that I'm proud of you as a brother. I love you, bro."

Emmett then hugged him, and Jasper just sort of looked at him funny. But he went along with it and hugged him back.

"Well... who's next?"

**A/N: Well, there you have it. The final chapter to Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter. I hope you've enjoyed this randomly awesome fanfic. Now, you may be asking yourselves... Who's next? Well, that is up to you guys to decide! I'll put a poll up on my page, and you can vote and tell me which Cullen you want to babysit Renesmee next. You could also just leave me a review or a PM telling me which one, it's your choice. But I DO expect you guys to review, or else I may be discouraged and not post a new one up... Yea, you heard me. I want 100 reviews, or else!! O wait, did I just type 100? I meant 10.... So please, if you like this story, please review!!!**


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